Friday Funny

Thinking fitness this morning. Don't know where these came from but they cracked me up when I read them. I hope they make you smile, too.

Fitness Questions and Answers:

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for you?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey, 'Round' is a shape, a perfect shape!

Can you tell I'm going to swap my closet this weekend? Take the winter (thick, fluffy, cover-a-multitude-of-sins) stuff out and bring in the spring/summer (small, thin, shows-everything) wardrobe in?

Just wondering...do you think anyone will ever make a swimsuit out of down? Hmm?

Hope you have a great weekend!

The Shifting Sands

Some of you might recall when I wrote about Morecambe Bay and the shifting sands there. I had told you how we had met the Queen's Guide, the man licensed to walk across these dangerous moving sands. Well, I was there walking again last Sunday. The photos are taken from the safety of the cliffs but I think you might see the atmospheric magic that is Morecambe Bay.

Tragedy haunts this area too. A short time ago a terrible event happened. The Bay is renowned for Cockles. Gathering of these can be very profitable as they are popular in smart restaurants. Of course where there is money to be made, there is the unscrupulous. A 'Gang Master' brought a group of Chinese workers to gather cockles. Many were illegal immigrants, they were poor and desperate people. They were out in the Bay on a black night and suddenly the tide swirled in. Can you imagine the terror, they could see nothing, didn't know which direction to go and all the time surrounded by the rushing tide. Many drowned; it was a horrible story. As they say "lessons have been learned" and people must now be licensed. Too late to learn a lesson, whenever I hear that meaningless statement, I know it is too late for some poor human being.

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE CAKE

I know there's gotta be some chocolate lovers around here. A friend sent me this recipe the other day so I thought I'd share.

For those moments when you just need a piece of chocolate cake, but don't have the time to bake it! This is a real recipe and not a joke.

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

4 tablespoons flour

4 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons cocoa

1 egg

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons oil

3 tablespoons chocolate chips

(optional)a small splash of vanilla extract

1 large coffee mug

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again. Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts (high). The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired. EAT!

(this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous). And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

Snowbirds

Recently we've been tossing around the idea of buying a Florida condo so that we can escape the long, cold, snowy, harsh, frigid, brutal, icy...well, you get the idea...northeasten winters.

We asked Piglet what she thinks of the idea.

She agreed.

She's tired of seeing icicles instead of butterflies.

I'm all for leaving these snowbirds behind,

and heading south to enjoy the sun, sand and warmth.

We'll see how we feel come spring, when the daffodils bloom and we shake our heads and say, "Now that really wasn't so bad, was it?"

If only my memory was as long as the winding, frozen ribbon of driveway that we keep clearing...

Happy Friday!

Eddie

Hi, Rumour has it that I am a pussy cat, forget it! When I am out in the jungle, believe me no mousie is safe! Just 'cos I like a little bit of luxury, that I enjoy some human running their fingers through my fur, and tickling my ears, makes me no pussy cat, trust me.

You see you folks don't realise that we cats, unlike those other four legged critters, are descended from royalty. Did you know that in ancient Egypt we were treated like gods? What happened here, someone forget what we are?

An example of forgetting it is my owner. She thinks she is so smart, (and pernickity? tell me about it!). She has this really nice chair, you can see me posing there in the picture. It is SO comfortable, and right close to the radiator, I mean come on England and Egypt, HELLO it's pretty warm in the latter! Well, what she does, this owner of mine, is cover it with a rug, that's just at night. I can lie on the chair only when her highness has gone to bed. Come morning off comes the cover and I am not allowed to get on that chair without the tartan rug over it. Get her ladyship - if you think I look cross that is because she just woke me up. Now I have to get down to what she calls the "cat shelf" the floor to you! Or go in my igloo...an igloo? Jeez, does she imagine I'm an Eskimo. Egypt, Cleopatra, you know...not a piece of ice in sight. Ah well, it isnt that bad I guess...it was worse in the animal lock up, I suppose I'm lucky she took me from there but some of the times...well I could really mew!

Eddie

A Word from Spencer

Yes, it's me, Spencer. I heard that Sarita's cat sometimes blogged and got feeling a bit competitive. We Jacks are very smart and can't be outdone by a cat.

So did you watch the Westminister Dog Show? I watched it sitting on my mom's lap. And you know what I didn't envy any of those dogs. I'm not one for crowds. I like it quiet. I especially like living in Florida where it's sunny a lot.

So this blog stuff isn't so hard. I might pop by again. In the meantime bow wow.

The Lark Journals are my first special blogging guests this year so head over to my site and check it out. Learn a little bit more about these wonderful, talented ladies:)

Romance with an Attitude

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Feeling Spooky?

Happy Friday the 13th!

Are you the superstitious sort? If you are, then today's probably got you a bit on edge. Me? Not superstitious at all. No, really. I'm not.

Everyone throws salt over their shoulder after a spill. Don't they?

Right. I thought everyone did that.

And the whole black cat thing...that's just something everyone knows. Isn't it?

Good. That's a relief!

As for the ladder bit...no one walks under an open ladder...do they? I mean, it just doesn't make sense. Does it?

Uh oh. Maybe I am just a wee bit superstitious. Or maybe I'm just having a bit of fun on what will hopefully be a happy Friday for all!

I hope you enjoy your weekend!

Valentine's Day

Be my Valentine! That is what many of the cards say, flowers go up in price, cards abound. It is that once in a year feast of romance. How many romance writers, I wonder, have used Valentine's Day in their plot. I personally never have. To be truthful until it comes around, St Valantine's Day never enter my head. And why is St Valentine considered to be romantic? I do believe that there were many St Valentine's and they were martyred in Rome, so how come the romance element?

However, I did discover when researching The Substitute Bride that "Valentine" was used as a term of endearment in the Middle Ages. Not just "be my Valentine," but "Valentine, I love you etc."

Does it matter - of course not! Enjoy the flowers, the cards and the chocolates, the candlelit dinner for two...whatever,you are doing Saturday, I do hope you have a very Happy Valentine's Day.

Margaret

Affordable Luxury

What signifies luxury to you? For my mother it was a spray of Gucci cologne. These are hard times and people are cutting back (my family included) but that also means high-end items are on sale like never before.

My mom believed a little Gucci made it easier to cut back in other areas and get through the hard times. Since we are struggling through some unplanned medical bills, I decided to apply her philosophy and by myself a Vera Bradley purse. I went to their Internet site and spotted a fantastic sale on colors they are retiring and snagged myself a bag. Did I need it? No! Is it practical? No, again. It is distinctive and floral and matchs hardly anything I own. But I love looking at it in my closet and the feeling of affluence it gives me as I pare down the rest of my budget is priceless

Men and Their Toys!

My hubby has a new toy and he loves it! He uses it every day. Once, twice, three times, sometimes on and off all day, no matter what the time. When he gets the urge, he just whips it out and uses it. You'd think he would tire of it after a while. I know I am tired of it because I'm the one at the receiving end of it!

I'm talking about his new cell phone. It's the first one he's ever had. I swear he's like a big kid. Yesterday while we were grocery shopping he called me half a dozen times in the store. Once while I was in line waiting to check out...the darn fool was right behind me! I glared back at him and he's standing there with that big stupid grin on his old face, trying to act all cool.

"Do I look cool?" he grins.
"You're a dork," I say back to him. Then grin because I can't help it.

Men and their toys. He's so far behind the times that he doesn't know that no one pays any attention to someone on their cell phones anymore. It's not like in the beginning when very few people could afford the luxury of having one. Those were the ones you looked at in awe, thinking how important they must be to have a cell phone. You know, back when they were the size of a loaf of bread? LOL

Some men never grow up!

To Fellow Larkers

Hi Margaret, Sarita and Kathy,

In an effort to draw more readers to The Lark Journals blog, and our personal blogs and websites I was wondering if you might do me the honor of being a guest on my blog. I've decided that once a month I'll invite a special guest blogger. And for the month of February I thought it might be nice if you could each come up with a paragraph or more about you. Also you can include one book cover and of course your urls.

Once I have all three of your posts I'll combine them and then post. What do you think? Is this something you can send me within the next week? I'd like to post it by the 15th of Feb. Send it to me5_dawallace@yahoo.com

You'll be my first bloggers!

If you're not interested not to worry:) I know we all live very busy lives.

Birthdays

Time moves swiftly, doesn't it? We watch those around us age, and think Wow, look at that! She's really aging quickly, isn't she?

But then a look in the mirror confirms what we already know in our heart. We, too, are growing older. Seems fairly basic but, honestly, every once in a while the realization that I'm not a twenty-something, carefree young woman any longer smacks me in the head like a hot, sweaty palm. It' s a good thing I've got all that gray hair to cushion the blow!

What makes me think of birthdays, sagging bottoms and gray hair this Friday morning? One of my closest friends is having a birthday today. We've known each other for many years...sometimes it's hard to believe we've been friends for so long. Where have the years gone?

What about you? Do you feel this way when the birthday candles are lit? Or are you one of those wonderful women who take birthdays in stride?

Happy birthday, Lynda!

Whether the Weather

Sarita has told us of her terrible winter, and I know how cold and fierce winter's can be in the eastern states. Ah, the times I walked to the station in New Rochelle, certain that the train would come and I would get into Manhattan with a modicum of fuss.

Well here in jolly old England we have had snow. Well you would think it the end of the world - schools closed, buses in London cancelled, trains delayed, chaos at the airport. We just don't do weather, I wish I knew why. My husband said this morning, "if it rains too hard, if there are too many leaves in autumn, everything gets messed up." And it's true, heatwaves, ferocious rain...snow, and something happens.

I can't understand it. Okay, it's the worst snow fall in l8 years, but come on, all the modern technology we have should make it easier. I remember bad snow when I was a kid, our school never shut. We kids got there...oh forgot, we walked! We didn't have cars to ferry us around. There used to be thick fogs when you could not see your hand in front of your face. My Dad walked to work, all of ten miles. There was a bad winter in l963, the buses ran and I did not miss a day off work.

So, the question is, does all this technhology make us soft? Have we forgotten what legs are for? I really despair.

And snow in my town? We haven't had any, but then we seldom do because we are on the coast...something wrong with that statement because they had snow in Brighton! And five years ago we did have snow here, but that is a rare event. Our snug superior little town would not fold up anyway - people walk here. We know we have legs, we have stores in walking distance. We have streets for people and above many of us are of that generation that know how to make do and mend.

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers...

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Cesarean Section.'
A: The Cesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.